That feeling, when you just realized something that made perfect sense about life. When you suddenly feel in the very moment, and you know how it all works and comes together. You know THE TRUTH.
Have you felt like your life is meaningless? Have you felt like if you get just that one more thing, promotion, or partner your life will be so much better? And it is better for a little while, but then again it’s all the same? Have you thought to yourself throughout the day how great you are doing and how everybody loves you and how successful you are, and looked at other people who have more thinking you are on the way to get that lifestyle too, and that you do everything right on the way to achieve it, but then at night, have the weirdest dreams and wake up disgusted with yourself and your life, or empty, and all these thoughts run through your head that keep you motionless for an hour in bed while you are trying to convince yourself you are doing amazing? I felt like this. In fact, I had an odd dream last night and my sleep was interrupted and I felt lonely… Do you feel like you deserve so much more in this life but you just need to figure out how to get it, or that the world is unfair? If any of this applies to you, if you can relate to it, maybe you will find my honesty interesting, and maybe even helpful.
We, as people, want too many things. We are barbarians. We forgot God, made fun of religion and in fact, made some kind of ugly institution of Church in historical sense. It’s not preaching or religious propaganda! But, suddenly, I realized what God is to me, and I think may be to other people too. And I’d like to share it. It’s not a talk about universe and how we are all one, it’s not about Jesus, or any other religion. It is my life experience, research, whatever analytical skills I have and whatever ability to love that brought me to this place I want to share with you. And I must warn, you might not like it! This is where I am at. And you might be ahead, or behind, or maybe even on a different path. So please, put your judgement on hold, and if you don’t have anything good to say I’d suggest to save your energy for creating positive vibes.
God to me is the urge I feel inside. That strong urge that sometimes shuts the mind of, but only if I don’t put my mind as a priority. God is when I walk on the street and I feel complete and dissolved, I feel a part of the whole picture and a strong individual at the same time. Not God is when I walk on the street and I think of things I have to do, relationships with people, what can I do to solve or change this or that and I feel great about myself because I wear great makeup, designer clothes and a bag with price tag thousands of times more of what it costs only because it has a ‘symbol’ of luxury on it. Not God is to want more of things, houses and other goods to feel good about myself. Not God is to judge people by what they can bring me, how useful they can be to me.
What’s God I realized? Peace with myself. How? Do what the urge wants me to do. Maybe that ‘urge’ is what is called soul. But it’s easier for me to define it this way because I really feel it. And it’s bigger than desires, emotions, reactions. I’m trying not to hate – it’s an effort. Not to judge – it’s an effort. To don’t hold a grudge against people who did me wrong – it’s an effort. To don’t get hurt and disappointed because life or people turned out to be not what I imagined. Don’t imagine the perfect world and don’t perfect the world I’m living in but to do what feels really right with my whole being. And it doesn’t have to be big. It can be not wanting anything at all and sitting still, or cooking dinner, or working. I feel content. I’ve been very unhappy with beautiful houses, with amazing people, great jobs but I also felt complete and satisfied with small apartments and tough work. I’m not saying you have to suffer to be happy. In fact, I think you should not suffer, at all. But feel the urge, do things that you can not not do! Those things you find excuses not to do while your only life passes by. There’s not gonna be another life of you! This is THE ONLY ONE. Maybe there is reincarnation but you won’t really be you anymore in the next life. YOU, the way you are right now, are only here and now, only in this lifetime. And that YOU can do things other YOUs can’t! No, not because you are unique, or everybody has a talent, or because others did so you can do it to. It is only because you can do it only now, for yourself. Even if it is to decide to stay at home and watch your favorite movie instead of going to grab a drink with frenemies. God is loving yourself. Loving yourself more than a brand new expensive car, or dress, or house. Although I do believe that living in comfort is important. But comfort isn’t defined by what your friends or Media thinks. It is defined by you only. And at the end of a day, all those expensive things you like so much are just branding. Believe me, I work in Fashion. All those designer moisturizing creams are essentially the same under a different price tag and made by the same company! All those important bags to have with at least three zeroes in the price cost a thousand times less to make, literally. That’s for girls. And for men… all the so-called status possessions, and extravaganza, and that young pretty inexperienced girl by your side that has a different name every few months but essentially is the same thing to you – really don’t impress anyone, not even you after a very short while.
Drugs and alcohol will mess you up and create an illusion of a better life. You can go ahead and do that. There isn’t anything wrong with it either. The real happiness takes effort, takes being true to yourself but rewards you so much that you will feel you did not have to work for it at all! You will feel that life loves you back.